My life without you
by Sisren
Summary: MarcoDylan. Suggested sex and gay bashing, fighting, open suicide. Basically, Marco and Dylan write letters and a plot twist! Ch 2 now up!
1. Marco's Letter to Dylan

**Disclaimer: As usual, I don't own the nummy Marco or Dylan or any one else from Degrassi.**

**AN: Ok, this is different than most. In this, Marco has grown some balls and gotten tougher.  
No, Dylan isn't a wimp in this, but he will be submissive to Marco a bit, for my pleasure! Lol.**

_"My life could be so much better off without you. I could have avoided all the pain, all  
__the lies, all the hatred, had I not met you. I could have pretended to love a girl, married a  
beautiful yound lady and convinced myself I was strait. But then I met you and I lost every  
chance of that. Mostly because I loved you so much, but more so because you loved me  
back."_

Dylan read the words over and voer again. Things were going great between he and Marco.  
But what was going on between Marco and the rest of the world was a different story. Dylan  
hated to see Marco hiding all he felt because he felt weak, but he hated more that his little sister,  
Paige, was the one who told him everything that happened to Marco during the school days.  
He was in college now, so he couldn't be there to protect his boyfriend and young love, but  
from what he heard, Marco developed quite a backbone lately.

_"Each day, as I walk to my locker, I see fag or homo or queer written or taped to it.  
There are letters inside that threaten me for being who I am, for loving you. But its  
worth it to feel your hand over mine each friday night. You give me the courage to walk  
throgh the halls with my head held up high. You give me the strength to fight back  
when some one tries to bask me for who I am. I forget about Julia or whomever my parents  
want me to be with. I look into some one else's eyes and I see their fears. Homophobia  
isn't pretty, but I deal with it for you."_

Dylan smiled as he read the second paragraph of the letter. He was glad his young love  
was fending for himself. He knew Marco was becoming stronger each day. What other people  
thought didn't matter, because Marco knew who he was and accepted it. It made Dylan happy  
to know, that even in his absence, Marco used him as a pillar for all this. It was what Dylan  
had gone through, and now Marco got the chance.

_"Sure, it hurts that Pa won't talk to me or look at me even, but I can't change me. This  
is who I've become. And I rather enjoy myself. The extraordinary courage and strenth  
within me has begun to surface and I'm not the wimp I used to be. Walking to your  
hockey game last week, a group of guys attacked me. I got out of it with a busted lip.  
Two of the guys were out cold when the cops arrived. The others fled with black eyes. Hard  
to imagine from me, isn't it?"_

Dylan laughed at the thought of his cute, Italian, boy toy fighting anyone. But Marco had  
become buff. Muscles showed in their most recent love making sessions that weren't  
there in the first few. Amd Marco had become more dominant. Dylan mischeaviously grinned  
as the night before flooded into his mind. But he needed to get back to the letter.

_"Remember when I was gay bashed in the park for the first time? I was so weak then. I  
attempted suicide when I got home. Mama and Pa thought the stomach problems were  
from the bashing. I let them believe it. And I told every one else that too. But now you know  
the truth. My one moment of weakness."_

Tears filled Dylan's eyes as he let the younger boy's suicide attempt sink in. True, he himself  
had once attempted, but he never thought his lover the type. Marco was always too happy  
and bubbly. But, then again, that could be the first sign of depression in people like Marco.

_"I know you're probably torn apart by that, but know this: I'm not like that now. It was once,  
a long time ago. But now I'm truly happy. I'm not scared or weak anymore. Isn't that a lot  
nicer on you? I'd think so. And, while you'll always be my strong, handsome protector, now  
I'm protecting you. How, you may ask? Jay Holbert._

_The loser brought a gun to school. And I heard him telling Towerz, after he and Paige got  
into a fight over Alex, that he was "gonna put a cap in Homochuck's ass.' I stepped around  
the corner and pushed Jay into a wall. Then I proceeded to beat the living day lights out of  
him. So, I'm writing this to you from the comfort of Sean and Ellie's place. After the two week  
suspension punishment, my dad thought it wasn't enough and kicked me out."_

Dyaln's mouth dropped open. Marco had become such a bad boy type while still being himself.  
The one Dyl loved more than anything. He resolved to call Marco after this letter to let him know  
he could stay at the dorm for a while (or forever for all that mattered to Dylan about his love)  
until he was ready. But he still had to finish the letter.

_"So, yeah, my life could be so much better had I not met you, but you define me now. You are  
the reason I live each day. You are each breath I take. And I love you with all that I have.  
So, I have one last thing to say. If you love me like you say you do, put this letter down and  
open your front door. I'll love you no matter what you chose, but I hope you'll do this._

_Love, your 'baby',_

_Marco del Rossi"_

Dylan walked to his door and opened it. At first he didn't see anything, but then he looked down  
to where Marco was sitting, now putting his book away.

-

**CLIFFY!!! YAY!!! Lol, Well, what do you think? I think I can wrap the next part into  
the next chap and finish it, but I want to know what every one thinks. I like bad boy  
Marco. How about you?**


	2. Dylan's letter to Marco

_Dylan walked to his door and opened it. At first he didn't see anything, but then he looked down   
to where Marco was sitting, now putting his book away._

"Marco!" Dylan exclaimed, surprised. "What are you doing here?:

Marco looked him strait in the eyes. "I can't stay with Sean and Ellie for the next week because Sean's social worker person is dropping in to check on the living situation. I was wondering if you'd let me stay here."

Dylan smiled at him. "Ofcourse Marco. I was actually gonna call and invite you over to stay as long as you need. Grab your stuff and come in."

Marco picked up his stuff and followed Dylan to his bedroom. Dylan took his things and placed them in the closet. He turned to ask Marco how he was, but was cut off by being pushed into a wall and kissed forcefully.  He kissed back with all his might and they ended up on the bed within minutes. Dylan was ontop of Marco and working on taking his shirt off when the phone rang.

"Damnit!" Dylan said into Marco's mouth while getting up and answering the phone. "Hello?... Oh, hi Mrs. del Rossi... Yeah, I'm great.. Marco is here, would you like to speak withi him? Ok, here he is."

Dylan passed the phone to Marco and shot him an "I'm sorry love" look. Marco asked him to leave so he coudl have a pricate convo with his mother. Dylan went to the kitchen and sat down at his table. Before he knew it he had a paper and a pen infront of him and he was writing a letter.

Dylan and Marco slept together that night, but Dylan had to go to parctice early in the morning so he woke and left Maroc with a note and the letter. He got to the staduim and changed out with his team mates, ready to kick some major ass.

Marco woke about half an hour later and found the letter next to his head.

_"I don't know what you go through every single day. I don't know the way people at school treat you without me around, I don't know the wasy your parents act when I'm not around. But I do know the way you act when I'm around. You act happier than I've ever seen you (stalker here, I watch you shower!!!) and I love that. I love that I can be the one to make you happy, the one to make you stronger. I love you. _

_I can honestly say my life wouldn't be any better or any worse without you. Without meeting you, I probably would have moved on to another guy and would have had similarily good times, but I would have missed out on the feelings that you gave me.. the love for you. So, I can't make a decision on that._

_Marco, I'd love to be your pillar, holding you up during the storm, but I can't always do that and, as much as it hurts, I realize that. Just, when you need me I'm here. I love you._

_Always and Forever,_

_Dyl."_

Marco felt tears begin to grace his eyes. It'd been so long since he cried that he was surprised when the first one fell. Soon the tears began too pour as he just sat there, thinking of everything that'd happened and all he felt. Dylan's pillow became soaked with salty tears and Marco began to choke out sobs. He ran to the bathroom and started to heave. Suddenly he passed out, and lay sprawled on the floor until Dylan came home...

Dylan stuffed the last of his equipment into his SUV and was getting ready to drive home when a teammate came up.

"Hey Dylan!"

"Oh, hey Andrew, what's happening?"

"Nothing much, us guys are going to the Dot for a bite. You wanna come?"

"Sure, man. Lets go."

Dylan hung out with his teammates for an hour before he went home. He walked in, flipped on the lights and called out to Marco. He didn't hear any reponse, so he just went to the bathroom to pee. He walked in and saw Marco, then began to shake. He fell on his knees next to Marco, and began to shake him back and forth. "Marco.. Marco baby please wake up!" A tear slid down his cheek and landed on Marco's lips. He groaned and opened his eyes. "What happened...? Dyl, why aren't you at practice?"

Dylan breathed a sigh of relief and kissed his love gently on the forehead. Then he picked him up and brought him back to bed. Dylan wrapped his arms around his boyfriend and let him cry into his shirt. Marco let out uncontrollable sobs and incoherent mumbles. Dylan kissed him and held his chin up to look him in the eyes.

"Marco.. I need you to tell me what happened to you.. What's been going on? Is there something I need to know about?"

Marco looked at Dylan with pleeding eyes, begging him not to make him talk. Dylan stared into his eyes wiht a determination he'd never seen before. He let out a sigh and began to talk.

"Yes, Dylan, I do need to tell you something...."

OOOOHH CLIFFY!!! OH YAH Ok, all of you reviewers who want more chapters, you will have your wish! I will make this longer, with plot twists and everything... Next chapter preview...

_"Marco... I wunderstand why you did that, but I don't understand why you hid it from me, or why you are so afraid that I'll never forgive you, bur you need to understand too. I'm hurt, yes, but I know what it's like to be in that position that you're in."_

_"I know Dyl, but I was scared... I mean, it wasn't my fault, my Pa made me."_

_Dylan stroked the younger boys cheek and placed a kiss on his lips._

_"I'll never leave you for this, kay? I promise to be there through out this whole dilemna."_

Good enough teaser? I hope so! Because the next chapter will be kick ass to me. May go to R.. I don't know.


End file.
